On Monday, when Chris was still in rehab, and I was worried about the logistics of him coming home in a matter of days, I didn’t stop and say thank you that you, alone, are sovereign-in all things.
On Tuesday, when the ambulance that was supposed to take him for an early morning procedure broke down, and we were delayed by hours, I didn’t stop and say thank you for your hedge of protection over our family.
On Wednesday, as Chris was vomiting blood and an iv contrasted CT scan was needed, I didn’t stop and thank you that you are the great healer who miraculously healed Chris’s kidneys the first time, and if you so desired, you would continue to protect them from the iv contrast so I need to not worry.
On Thursday, as each physician I spoke with had different interpretations of the same data, I didn’t thank you that you are our compass, and I need only trust you that you will guide our steps.
On Friday, as Chris was found unresponsive, I didn’t thank you for giving us back his life, again.
Over and over not only this week, but this past year, you have shown up and graciously given to our family with so little acknowledgment or gratitude. You have taken our worries, concerns, fears, anger, discouragement, insecurities, missteps, and rebellion along the way and loved and provided for us through it all. There isn’t a single need we have had that you have not graciously met, long before we knew we had it.
God, thank you that even though Satan has tried to take Chris’s life over and over and over again, you have remained faithful in protecting and restoring it every time. Thank you, God, that there is no reasonable explanation for my family to remain in our home almost 1 year after Chris’s hospitalization other than your overwhelming goodness and generosity for our family. Thank you, God that every time extra help is needed to care for our children-even at 3am-you have provided someone they feel safe with to love on them during our chaos. Thank you, God that you sent in an aide to check Chris’s vitals on Friday before they became too low to resuscitate him. Thank you, God that while we may have questions for days, you have proven to be trustworthy and a safe harbor to rest amid our storm. Thank you, God, that while I have more unknowns then knowns about our future, I can rest fully in the One who is already in it. Thank you, God, that you forgive this ungrateful, self-centered girl who worries & doubts more than she trusts and gets frustrated and stressed by the silly, little things outside of her control because the big things are so far beyond her reach. Thank you, God, that you still love and love on this broken girl who builds up more walls between herself and others than she takes down. Thank you, God, that there is not one moment of one day that when I stop to raise my weary eyes to meet yours, you haven’t immediately, lovingly met them in return.
God, I will never understand why you love me, or Chris, or my family the way you do, but I am beyond grateful that you do. God, I want to thank you that when I prayed you could use my life however you saw fit three years ago, you didn’t walk away in search of a more suitable candidate but have been faithfully growing me into a moldable vessel. I have no idea, God, what plan or purpose you have for me or Chris, but I am thankful that you are our Father and are trustworthy and good especially when our circumstances are not.
Today, Lord, help me to focus on all things for which to be thankful for and to see all the ways you are moving on our behalf.