It doesn’t take very much time hanging out with me before you can make a list of my many flaws. Personally, my kids will tell you to place a GoPro in our car, and you’ll see them for yourself in all their grandeur. While the list is long, my lack of patience is likely towards the top. (Hence the need for a GoPro so you can watch as I try, unsuccessfully, to model patience for my kids about everything and everyone that drives me nuts when I’m driving.) Let me just offer a blanket apology on that one now and promise you I REALLY AM trying to get better.
My lack of patience, my insecurities, my lack of abilities, my lack of knowledge, my VERY LONG list of LACK isn’t new information to God. While I’m not entirely sure what He was thinking when He stitched me together, He knew, already, all that I would lack and chose me anyway. (Clearly, He likes a challenge.)
This Sunday, our pastor encouraged us to look at what we’re doing with our lives and whether or not it’s ‘kingdom’ work. Is the room that you walk into different because of the presence of God that goes with you? Can anyone else tell you are a follower of Christ based on how you respond to them? (Clearly, I have a way to go with this one.) Or are we so focused on making sure our salvation box is checked that we’re not actually doing anything with our salvation or our lives?
Over two years ago, I realized that was exactly what I was doing. I was checking my salvation box each week, but nothing more. When Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 9: 37 “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.” Jesus was talking about me. I wasn’t ‘working’ on His behalf. Two years ago, I realized part of wanting more in my life is wanting God to use me for more. I realized that I wanted to go and do wherever and whatever He asked of me. I wanted to be a part of HIS harvest. I wanted to live a life that was purposeful MORE than I wanted ease or comfort. (Sometimes those prayers come back to haunt you.)
While I’m not entirely sure how all of this will benefit His harvest, I DO think He’s using it. I can’t fathom to guess what God will have us do once Chris is home or where He will call us, but I do know He’s not done writing our story. Even in the midst of ALL of these hard days, my greatest desire is to know that God is using me in the hard days to encourage His laborers to go out into the harvest. Personally, I cannot wait to go wherever He can use me and all my lack.
I think there’s comes a time in each Christian’s life when we have to make a choice. Will we be willing to be used by God, however/whatever He asks of us or not? If Chris and my journey can play a role in God’s harvest or by encouraging other workers to step out where God is calling them, then I’m all the more thankful He has allowed us the privilege of this journey. If our staying in this season is planting seeds in the lives of others that God can use, I’m thankful that our God who didn’t need to use such an impatient girl, CHOSE to anyway.
While God continues to work in me, I’m looking forward to seeing His harvest produce “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Won’t you join me?