Tomorrow marks one more milestone I wished we wouldn’t reach, day 100 in the hospital with my husband. I’ve realized that part of what makes this new ‘normal’ hard is that there’s no closure..no moving on..no progress felt by any of us. It just feels perpetually stuck. In this ‘stuck’ place, life is heavy and the burden seems unending There’s not yet a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ nor an opportunity to be ‘normal.’ There are no summer vacation plans or Father’s Day pictures that can be taken and shared; how exactly does one celebrate a child’s upcoming 4th birthday while a parent is lying in a hospital bed alone? All of the ‘normal’ conversations you might have with someone else somehow seem out of place as they, too, can’t comfortably share life with someone who is still ‘stuck’ in this abnormal life.
Over the past few days, I’ve been listening to “Be Still” by Jeremy Camp (a link to his song can be found at the bottom of this blog). He paints this beautiful picture of someone laying their head at the feet of Jesus and resting here in this safe place. (I cannot encourage you enough to take a minute and listen to it. Listen to the words and the picture he paints.) While the lyrics are playing, I can envision myself doing just that at the feet of the one who knows my pain, my worries, my burden, my sorrow-resting, truly, at the one who knows. Jeremy uses a verse from Psalm 46:10 as his inspiration…when reading it, it struck me that this isn’t a suggestion or a ‘nice thing to do’, but rather a command to be still. We’re commanded not just to be still, but to KNOW that GOD, alone, IS God.
“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
Over and over again throughout the Bible we can find God commanding us to ‘be still.’ We see it in Exodus 14:4, “The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be still.” Or Psalm 37:7a, “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…”
In this season of life, I need God to consistently remind me over and over again to be still..that I CAN trust Him..that I don’t need to worry…that HE WILL fight for me…all I need to do is to be STILL and believe that He is God.
I find myself wondering how many times God looks at me with his loving eyes and says, “Beth, I’m aware of everything you need…and everything you don’t yet know you need. If you will only trust me and be patient, you will see I’ve got it all under control. All you need to do is rest, just rest at my feet.”
To be able to take that deep, replenishing breath..fully, knowing that ALL is ok; that would be indescribable relief. And yet, THAT is EXACTLY what God is telling me I can do-breathe. Rest. Trust that He’s got this. He’s got Chris. He’s got me. He’s got our kids. EVERYTHING that wakes me up and worries me at 3 am; He has FULLY under His control.
It’s the idea of being still that scares me. There are always times when God calls us to ‘take courage’ or to take a step ‘out of the boat’ and ‘walk on water’ with Him. I have realized that I’m a doer. You need something done? No problem, I’m your girl. You need me to take courage..step out of the boat..walk on water with you? Just say the word. Where I struggle is in the ‘being still’..the trusting that my NOT DOING anything is actually the VERY thing I NEED to be DOING. That TRUSTING, patiently IS the ‘thing’.
God is calling me to simply be still and KNOW that he is my God. If I know that..REALLY, deep down KNOW that, then I’d never doubt…I’d never have a second guess at being still-I wouldn’t be wide awake at 3 am full of worries and fears. In fact, if I would look forward to those times and would trust that HE is GOD and that HE WILL DO exactly what He says He will do. I wouldn’t feel ‘worn’ because I could fully rest at His feet and fully trust Him to take care of ALL that weighs on my shoulders.
I can’t even fathom what that would feel like. To trust God so completely that I could truly just rest. Whatever you’re walking through, I hope that you’ll join me in learning how to ‘be still’ and trust that God REALLY DOES have our situation under control, and all we need to do is ‘be still.’